Torch of Hyperbolic Self-Hate
Dear Great Britain,
We the people of the United States of America take great pride in passing the torch of hyperbolic self-hate. It begins with unrealistic and premeditated shock journalism accounts of the world around you in the media and eventually osmosizes into the realm of “common knowledge.”
Over the next couple of decades, you will watch in awe while the general state of morale in your country is destroyed by reactionaries and radicals trying to polarize your perceptions based on these accounts.
No matter how much better your schools may be than most of the world's, there will always be a statistic a journalist can pull out of their ass on a slow news day to assure you that your children isn't learning. No matter how good your health care is, some obscure African nation has at least one hospital better than at least one of yours.
Your people will be come so self absorbed that no matter how minuscule the actual scandal level is in your political realm, your politicians will be called war criminals, terrorists, communists, and oil and whore mongers; all while tens of countries all around the world are literally slaughtering their own people in the streets and getting press coverage only until people get bored with it want to hear more about how much GREAT BRITAIN sucks to keep the field level.
Great Britain, we take great pride in passing this torch to you which we have so fervently kept since the Vietnam War.
Sic Semper Ignoramus, and Godspeed.
-America
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